A recurring conversation I have with my friends is about how much I generally hate people; yes everyone. Call me Negative Nancy, but I feel like it’s totally legit. It’s only gotten worse since I’ve been pregnant. Zero to angry is real.
I’ve always been bothered by the incredibly annoying and semi-shitty waitress at my favorite sushi spot, or some rude ass kid at the store who’s parent lets them act a fool, but I’ve always just stayed quiet and polite until you really piss me off. Lately I have no patience, so I have a bit of a snap back attitude. Oops. I’m playing this pregnancy card UP!
Pregnancy is the one time in life when you can honestly blame everything that goes wrong on it. It’s not even a cop-out. It has sucked the life out of me mentally, and physically, so I refuse to feel bad about offending anyone while I wallow in self pity. It just is what it is.
Now that I am pregnant, the “you just don’t understand until you’ve been through it” adage has never rang truer. I’ve never been naive enough to believe that I “know better” than someone who has actually been through a situation, but it definitely makes me appreciate my experience that much more. So for all the moms to be out there, this one’s for you!
5 Things A Pregnant Woman Doesn’t Want to Hear:
1. Your opinion. Mostly because we never asked for it in the first place! We might have mentioned how we’ve been feeling, or talked about how we may have indulged in too much cake over the weekend, but that doesn’t mean we need your input. We don’t need to hear how we should “just walk more”, or get sent fit pregnancy articles, videos, pins etc. Thank you, but no fucking thank you. It’s not even remotely helpful. It’s annoying, and with our raging hormone levels will probably be perceived as a personal attack. Just no.
2. How much it’s going to hurt. No shit?! I thought it was going to feel like a magical spa session, finding a pot of gold, or the best orgasm in the history of mankind. Anyone who knows how a baby is born knows that a person coming out of your va-jayjay likely isn’t going to be the most pleasant experience.
3. How much they hate your name choice. Well thankfully, it’s not your child so don’t worry about it. If we get excited enough about a name to share it with you (because the daunting experience of being responsible for giving someone who has to live with that name for the rest of their lives isn’t stressful enough) don’t be a kill joy. We don’t care if you hated that person in the 5th grade, if you think it’s a stripper name, or it just sounds like they’d be a dick, again it’s not your child. Period.
4. “Wow you’re getting big!” Well yeah that’s generally the idea. Same goes for “you look like you’re about to pop”, “you sure you’re not having twins?” and all other funny haha bullshit observations are not welcome. We know we’re huge AND moving on.
5. What not to do. Basically being pregnant is a long list of things you can’t do. We don’t know when you became a doctor, but thank you captain obvious.
Keep on keepin’ on mamas.